We
at the Monterey County Rape Crisis Center acknowledge
that men can be victims of sexual abuse and want to challenge
the myth
that
men cannot be sexually abused. All our services are available
to both men and women. We have several men who volunteer on our 24-Hour
Crisis Line (831) 375-4357 in Monterey or (831) 424-4357 in Salinas and
respond to hospital calls (SART).
We also offer individual and group therapy designed specifically
for
men. For
more information
on
counseling services, click here.
*Please note: In general, women are activated for SART calls
unless otherwise
requested.
To view and share our current public service announcement
for men
click here:
Men experience many of the same emotional and physical traumas that women experience. The problem is men are less likely to report and more likely to blame themselves for an attack. The feelings men report after being sexual assaulted are similar to what women experience, but they may experience their feelings in a slightly different way. Some of the most common feelings males express include:
Self-Doubt
One major fear of male survivors of sexual assault is the belief that it means they are gay. For more information, refer to myths and facts. Rape is a crime of power, dominance and coercion, not sex and sexuality. Male perpetrators of sexual abuse typically choose victims who they feel they are able to dominate and overpower, but this has no relationship to homosexuality. Because of the pervasive myths about homosexuality and masculinity, it is important to understand that men can be raped by both men and women and it has nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Guilt
After being sexually assaulted, men sometimes feel they should have been able to protect themselves against the rapist or it was somehow their fault. Rape is a crime of coercion and force and is never the victim's fault.
Shame/Self Blame
We live in a culture that prides itself on an image of masculinity that stresses men as strong and violent people who don't cry. We get many of these images from mass media which honors men for their ability to be the protector in any relationship. A consequence is men often believe they cannot be victimized sexually. When they are raped, there is an dangerous tendency to blame themselves for the assault.
Anger
Being victimized makes us angry and fearful. It is okay to feel angry and upset for being hurt. The objective is to utilize that anger for constructive purposes (i.e. speaking out against sexual violence).
Denial
It is common to deny or ignore what has happened. We often feel that if we pretend something didnít happen, it will make it go away. The problem is that pretending it will go away, wonít stop the memories or the reality of the incident. It is better to seek counseling and support from someone you trust to help you face what has happened.
For more information if your wife or girlfriend has been sexually assaulted click here.
GLBTQQI
It is important to address the pervasiveness of sexual violence within the GLBTQQI (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Questioning and Intersex) community. Studies indicate that rates of sexual abuse and assault of gay men may be higher than those found in studies of men generally (i.e. without reference to sexual orientation) (read more here). In addressing issues of sexual abuse within the GLBTQQI Community, there are still wide misconceptions about homosexuality and sexuality. Men living with male intimate partners experience more intimate partner violence than do men living with female intimate partner. The 2006 CALCASA Report indicates that 15% of men who lived with a man as a couple reported being raped/assaulted or stalked by a male cohabitant. Men, like women, have a right to their body that must be respected. Forcing or coercing someone into sex is against the law and it is our responsibility to hold perpetrators accountable.
Suggested Reading:
Gil, Eliana, Ph.D., Outgrowing The Pain Together, Dell, New York, NY, 1992.
Hansen, Paul A, Ph.D., Survivors & Partners, Heron Hill, Longmont, CO, 1991.
Klein, Allen, The Healing Power of Humor, Tarcher/Perigee Books, New York, NY, 1989.
Levine, Robert Barry, When You Are the Partner of a Rape or Incest Survivor, Resources Publications, San Jose, CA, 1996.
Lew, Mike, Victims No More, Harper Collins, New York, NY, 1990.
Suggested Websites:
Stephen Braveman, M.A., L.M.F.T, D.S.T #28926
www.bravemantherapy.com
The Morris Center California Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) http://www.ascasupport.org/
National Organization On Male Sexual Victimization (NOMSV) http://www.malesurvivor.org/
The Australian Rainbow Male Survivors Network http://rainbownetwork.org.au/
Sexually Abused Males Surviving (SAMS)
http://www.nsnet.org/sams/
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